Saturday, January 29, 2011

Marriott says no to old porn

You're forced to leave home on business.  You arrive at your destination, "beautiful" King of Prussia PA! You spend your day in nauseating meetings and boring conference calls.  Your only break in the day will be spent getting an express lunch from Chili's which you're almost forced to purchase since the company has given you the standard $20.00 Per Diem and you will be damned if you don't use it. It's finally 5:00 PM, quitting time.

As you get into your car, you turn the engine and race back to your hotel. I have been dreaming all day about a nice hot shower, a big juicy bacon cheeseburger and fries via room service, a couple of beers courtesy of the stocked mini bar and maybe even some peanuts. You lay down on the perfectly made hotel king size bed and spot the remote.  As you go through the limited channels, you know exactly where this is leading you. There they are, the magical block of porn channels.  As you pass each title you attempt to read what the movie is about, but does it really matter?  You decide on a flick and take a deep breath as you press the buy button and realize that you are about to pay almost $13.00 for what will turn out to be a 10 minute movie.  Then the virtual cold shower happens. You read the notice in disbelief. "Marriot Hotels have discontinued this service. We apologize for any inconvenience."  The hotel offered free Wi-Fi, but since you have been a hard head all these years and have refused to buy a lap top you are forced to watch an old bowling tournament on ESPN 2 instead.

Misery Really Loves Company welcomes all those hard working and lonely old school business men who still believe in pad, pencil and calculator.  Invest in some new technology, because your little dirty hotel secret has been snatched right from under you. What is the world coming to. Next they'll remove the hand lotion. Poor bastards.

Click here for story     

Monday, January 24, 2011


When I first started this blog, I wanted to create a place where people can visit and read about others misery in hopes that it would make them feel better and maybe share some of their own misery.  For me, it has been a therapeutic way to combat my own misery. Scoping out stories of other peoples misfortunes and funny stories has made me feel better about my situation, just like I thought it would.  I've realized that I haven’t shared any details of my own issues, I think it apropos to do so now.

Let me start with a small issue first. I promise I will get deeper as the blog goes on.  I am a Jets fan! There, I said it. I have been a fan for over 30 years.  I probably don’t need to write anything else since I can feel your pity oozing through my WI-FI as I type on my Mac.  I went through the birth of the Sack Exchange in 1981, where I finally got a taste of the playoffs by making it to a Wild Card game against the Bills, only to be screwed in the end by our QB throwing an interception at the Bills 2 yard line with 10 seconds left on the clock!   I have gone through the Mud Bowl of 82, where I first learned to loath the Dolphins.  The Jets had advanced to the AFC Championship game, but because it’s the Jets, the Football Gods decided to have a pissing party the night before and create the messiest field you could ever image.  Turn over after turn over made for a horrible and pathetic 14-0 loss to the fish.  Then came the wonderful move to Jimmy Hoffa’s burial plot known as Giants Stadium in 1984.  We were so pathetic that we couldn't even have our own place!  Nothing like going to see a game in a stadium named after another team and painted in that team’s colors.  To remedy that, the wonderful Jet decision makers decided that every time we played at home they would put up green and white cardboard panels to make it feel more like home.  It looked more like a Pre-K classroom than anything else.  All that was missing was NY JETS written in crayon!

I have been through the Dennis Byrd injury, the Marino fake spike, the years of Rich Kotite, Bruce Coslet, Herm ("you play to win the game") Edwards, the Blair Thomas experiment, the birth of Tom Brady, the ruptured Achilles of Vinny Testeverde and so much more that there may not be enough space on this blog to completely fill you in on my misery.  I have attached a link to the History of Jets so you can understand a little more.  One warning, if you cried during Beaches you most likely will cry when you read this.

OK, now that I have set it up for you, this leads me to last nights AFC Championship game between the Jets and Steelers.  I know I should be happy with going to two consecutive AFC Championship games but it still doesn’t change the fact that my heart has been ripped open once again.  Why? Why does this story always end the same exact way? It’s like being trapped in a Ground Hogs Day scenario.  There we were putting our child to sleep early against his wishes so we can get ready to witness history.  Our beloved Jets were going to the Super Bowl for the first time since 1969, yes, 1969!  All the pieces were in place.  We had just had a terrific season. We had just beaten Peyton Manning and Tom Brady at their respected homes and we had beaten Pittsburgh already a couple of weeks ago at their stadium so our confidence was sky high.  We sat down to eat our real hamburgers, a treat since my wife insists on turkey everything. Seriously, I think I might have a turkey farm out back that I haven’t been told about. I love you honey for taking care of us! I opened an ice cold beer, my wife made a martini and BANG, we were down 24-0.  WTF! Really? WHY? Can’t we ever have a nice easy game where my heart doesn’t feel like it going to crawl out of my mouth, stand up on the coffee table and with an evil smirk and raspy voice say, “same old Jets Marty”!  Of course it couldn’t just be a blow out so we can stop watching early, switch over to our DVR and catch up on the latest episode of Intervention and smile at the fact that we weren't the ones leaning over a toilet and going through heroin withdrawals.  The Jets decide in the second half that they were finally gonna show up and make it a game.  Although we all know how it’s going to end, as Jets fans we have no choice but to stare at our TV’s and wait for the pending debacle to take place, and that’s exactly what happened last night.  Bad clock management, bad play calling, bad officiating and plain old bad play made the norm come true once again. We lost 24-19 and had to watch the hideous yellow and black confetti come raining down on a bunch of frozen Pittsburgh fans for the 10 millionth time in their history. (Think I’m a bit bitter?)

In closing let me say that I’m proud of my team and coach for another crazy season that ended in nothing but misery.  I will once again be pining for Jet news starting as early as this morning and will be ready for another exciting trip to the prom, only to be doused by a bucket of blood while I stand in front of my peers, smiling and excitedly waving after winning prom queen. (A scene from Carrie for all you non-reader and movie watchers) "They're all gonna laugh at you!, They're all gonna laugh at you! And believe they have and they will. Let’s go green and white! (pathetic)

Friday, January 21, 2011

Rock Lobster

Have you ever stolen anything and felt horrible about it?  No matter how horrible you felt I can guarantee that you weren't as sorry as this lunatic.  His desire for dining like rich folk made him kidnap a couple of samarai lobsters that quickly issued a get out of parenthood free card. This fool stuffed these lobsters down his pants and with a quick snip his manhood was finished.

I know that times are tough, but COME ON!!! Please join me in welcoming this poor soul to Misery Really Loves Company. Next time try stealing a salami instead.  The ladies will give you a second look, and other than possibly getting arrested, there is no danger of losing what ya mamma gave ya. Hot drawn butter anyone?

Click her for story

Wednesday, January 19, 2011


Have you ever loved someone so much that you would let them get away with almost anything only to be disappointed in the end?  I have, but sometimes there must be a line drawn in the sand.  I doubt that there is a man out there that would want to swap places with this poor slob.  I like Huevos Rancheros, but on a plate with Jalapenos and hot sauce, not in my pants.

Although I sympathize with a man who made it through such a horrible act, the guy wins the brainless award for sticking by the side of his pyromaniac girlfriend after she set his package on fire. "It was a big misunderstanding" is what the victim had to say.  Now that's a BIG understatement if I ever heard one.  Gas can? Check! Matches? Check! My man's junk? Double check!! Nothing misunderstood about that. but really, who can blame him for sticking with this girl, she is quite the looker.

Join me in wishing this fool a quick recovery. but until then Hot Nuts, welcome to the wonderful place known as Misery Really Loves Company..

Click here for MSNBC story

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Turn around slowly Mr. Fudd

When I first read the headline for this article "Fox shoots man", I said to myself, wow!, Fox News finally went way, way over the line and shot someone! Then I realized that the headline was quite literal. It's miserable enough being a hunter.  I have never shot any animal, but I image you have to be a miserable SOB to shoot an innocent animal in cold blood.  But image my surprise, when in a dramatic turn of events the animal indeed put the shoe on the other foot and got medieval on a hunter's ass.  After being injured and about to be finished off by the butt of this sad hunters rifle, a fox with pretty large nuts, if I say so myself, contacted his inner ninja spirit and scuffled with the hunter.  During the scuffle, my main fox lunged for the hunters rifle and with his super paw fired a round which connected. High fives all around!!  Damn, I'm glad I'm not that hunter today. He better never go back to his hunters club where that same fox probably has membership now. Welcome to the Misery Dome my friend.

Click here for Yahoo story


Monday, January 17, 2011


The Misery Monster was seen last night stomping around downtown Boston and chomping on crying Patriot fans.  As a Jets fan, I can understand and sympathize with the Pats fan :), considering that I have been in that same monsters mouth since I was born (1969, THE LAST TIME THE JETS WON A CHAMPIONSHIP). After all, they have only been able to:

* Witness a dynasty that has won 3 of 4 Super Bowls since 2001.
* Witness the growth of probably the best quarterback ever to play the game. BTW, a thank you would be nice, considering the Jets gave Brady life after knocking out Drew Bledsoe in 2001.
* Have had the pleasure of being coached by Dull Darth Vader after he screwed our franchise by quitting his job as the head coach of the Jets days after he was named coach.  The Football Gods have thrown nothing but flowers and candy at the Patriots and their fans for what seems to be a life time. Enough is enough!

I hate the Patriots, I hate Bill Belichick, I hate Robert Kraft, I hate Tom Brady and I hate Boston. My Cheshire Cat smile cannot be wiped off my face and may never go away after that 28-21 victory that put the Jets in the AFC Championship game for the second straight year and sent the Pats packing. Even if the Jets don't make it to the Super Bowl, I can bask in the sweet glow of knowing that Tom Brady will be home watching us for a change.  So Pat fans, make a big vat of New England clam chowder, put the TV on at 6:30 PM Sunday night and get comfortable, because it's finally time to change that silver, blue & red confetti to green and white.  Welcome to the Misery Dome guys. Enjoy your stay.


Skinny Ricky Gervais falls on his face

I don't know if it's just me, but have you noticed that more and more hosts of these award shows feel that in order to get a laugh they have to turn these self indulgent shows into roasts?  Hey, I'm not a big fan of the award show, but I think it crazy to invite a comedian to host your show only to get hit by poor taste shrapnel.  Correct me if I'm wrong, but hosting these shows are pretty good gigs, why would you want to screw it up for yourself, especially in a room full of people that can make or break your career. He threw stones at everybody last night including Hollywood's come back player of the year Robert Downey Jr. and America's Sweetheart Sandra Bullock  Good luck getting another job there Dicky.

When the last words you hear are "I remember when Ricky Gervais was a slightly chubby and kind comedian, neither of which he is now" coming from Hollywood royalty Tom Hanks, you know you have problems.

Although I love seeing celebrities squirm when comedians shine a light on their imperfections in front of their peers, I think there is a time and place for these attacks and these shows are not the setting, if you want to continue to work.  Ricky might not be miserable right now, but believe me he will be.  Below is the link to the story and some video clips of the mud slinging.  Enjoy!

Thank you Yahoo and Fox News

Ricky Gervais clips

Click here for story


Friday, January 14, 2011

Don't call me Honey, Honey!!!

There're some people in this world who are just way over the top and a bit creepy.

Honey is a lab that has been forced into wedlock with her owner, because the guy is probably a loser and realizes that the dog is his best shot at marriage.  Not getting to say "I do", no fancy dinner, no prenup option, poor Honey just has to take it like a bitch.  Don't get me wrong, I'm sure he's a good owner, but could he handle the wife that is Honey.  Good luck dude. This world is nuts!  I hereby congratulate Honey on her marriage and for being the first Miserable Pet of The Week.  I know you can't say it Honey, so I'll say it for you...


Click here for story

Hey, grandpa, pick up that soap will ya??

This poor bastard.  Guy knew Sinatra, went through the peace and love of the 70's, the hair of the eighties, the grunge of the 90's and the terrible 00-11.  He looked at Good Fellas, The Godfather and The Soprano's, as though they were home movies.  Now, when his biggest thrill is going to Denny's for their Early Bird Senior Buffet, they decided they finally have enough on him to put him on trial for his mob activity. Oh, and guess what? His own son did ratted on him :(.  I agree the old man needs to pay for his crimes, but cant they find another way, like maybe hiding his dentures or turning off his oxygen? The guy is fossil fuel at this point, do we really have to spend tax dollars on sending this bag of dust to prison.  The guy has a hard time filling a cannoli, I doubt he is a danger to anyone other than is hospice. All I can say is I'm glad I'm not him!

Click here for story

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Can I borrow your thong honey???

This is something you wish you would never have to hear coming from your husband.  The terrible Miserable Cloud engulfed another today as Kelsey Grammer's wife Camille decided to open up about her husband's dressing habits on The Howard Stern Show. Can't nothing be tucked away in the closet without someone trying to expose it with their ugly flashlight? So the guy wants to look like his grandmother, what's the harm?  Oh well, sorry Fraser, for now all I can say is at least it's not me! Damn this bra is tight.

Thank you Today Show "The Scoop" for the story

Click here for the story

WOW! You could only score 55 pts???

You think your favorite NBA team is bad? If you root for any other team than the Cavaliers, consider yourself lucky and somewhat sane today.  The putrid Cav's only managed to score a ridiculous 55 points against the LA Lakers last night.  Talk about misery! I think my grammar school scored 55 points one year. Go Cougars! Let's not even talk about the fact that they lost one of the greatest players in the league (LeBron James) and now he is even tweeting about how sorry they are.  Damn thats miserable!

Thank you ESPN for the story below.

Click here for story

Tuesday, January 11, 2011


The tragedy in Arizona has affected everyone I know.  It has even brought political parties together and made them realize that the rhetoric in this country must stop before we continue to lose more good people in this country.  I read an article yesterday that made me realize that there is actually people out there more miserable than the murderer that committed the heinous crime of gunning down six innocent people this weekend, including a 9 year old girl.  These people belong to the Westboro Baptist Church who plan to protest the funerals of these innocent people because of their warped way of thinking.  I therefore crown these people The Most Miserable group of the week! Special thanks to God for the nomination.

Read more about this story here