Rapper Freddy Gibbs vs. TSA : Who's the bigger idiot'?

The following is a rant. This story is not really what my blog is all about, but it's my blog so let the rant begin.  I'm so tired of reading stories about celebrities who smoke pot and are so narcisstically (not sure if that's a word) open about it. They act like they're untouchable. They mock the law and give the perennial finger to any type of rule or authority.  You would hope that when authority has the chance to knock these jerks down a couple of pegs they would take it, but once again the get overs get over again. In this unbelievable scenario, rapper Freddy Gibbs (who?) decided to pack his bags for a trip and include a nice fat bag of Chronic. Why worry when you're Freddy Gibbs right? :) What kills me is that he was proved right!

How is it possible that the people we depend on to do the right things and keep us reasonably safe while we travel, could look through this idiots baggage, find drugs, and instead of immediately stopping the plane and escorting Mr. Gibbs to a very unpleasant cavity search, instead writes a small note that read 'Cmon' Son and left it in the rappers bag along with the God damn pot! WTF!

That in itself is just plain stupid, but not to be out done, here comes Freddy. I'll see your stupid and raise you unbelievable narcissistic personality disorder. You figure that if that happened to you, you would light your blunt, count your blessings and move on. But no, this guy posts the story on Twitter and even shows a picture of the note along with the pot! Really? Once again the "whatcha gonna do to me" attitude raises its big ugly head and I'm sure nothing will be done. Maybe I'm just jealous because I know that if this happened to me or anyone else reading this blog, unless your Freddy Gibbs, Snoop Dog, Montel Williams, Willie Nelson, Woody Harrelson, etc.., you could queue the sound track to Midnight Express cause we'd be going to jail quicker that you can roll a joint.

Misery Really Loves Company welcomes all the folks who mostly follow the rules, but can never get away with stuff like this. Listen folks, I'm all about the legalization of marijuana, lord knows I've had my share, but until that day comes we all have to have some common sense, C'mon Son! These holier-than-thou idiots must be stopped by the people we employ with our tax dollars. Stop the madness.

As for the TSA, this is not the first time I hear about notes being left in bags. In one instance, a TSA agent left a note in a women's bag that read, "Get your freak on girl", after finding a sex toy in a bag. Who the hell are these people. Do your job and stop leaving love notes! The TSA has run it's course. I'm sure there are good agents that take their job seriously, but all its become is a place for gropers and voyeurs to get their kicks. 9/11 changed airport security forever, but this is just a joke. I'm sure anyone that has been in an airport recently would agree that something else needs to be figured out.

Again, sorry about the rant, but I have to call it like I see it.

Santini Claus kills Rudolph!

It's a cold crisp night. The glow of the moon creates a magical sparkle off the freshly fallen snow. A slight crunch can be heard in the distance as a reindeer curiously makes its way from the thick brush to the edge of a slightly frozen brook. The deer cautiously approaches the running stream, lowers its head and ever so slightly dips its lips into the water for a drink. Suddenly a noise alerts the deer as it quickly raises its head and stands perfectly still. After several minutes the deer relaxes and confidently starts to walk away along a moon lit path. Without warning a leopard lunges from its hiding spot and grabs a hold of the deers neck, snapping it and killing it instantly. Merry Christmas everyone!

Misery Really Loves Company welcomes Jorge Santini, the mayor of San Juan, Puerto Rico, who woke up yesterday morning and wanted to crawl under a rock after one of the weirdest family Christmas portraits ever taken made its way through the internet faster than a pack of wolves ripping through the carcass of baby seal. Welcome to the new world Jorge, where the eye in the sky is always watching and instantly posting to Yahoo, Facebook & Twitter. Never has one photo haunted children so, as visions of sugar plums have been replaced by a punctured jugular. Good luck with your re-election.

Does size really matter, that much???

Before I die I want to know what it feels like to be Ron Jeremy. Not! Whether it's your obsession with making a good impression on the cashier at CVS by putting down a pack of Magnums on the counter or your girlfriends constant whining about your size, it is NEVER a good idea to allow just anyone to play Nip/Tuck on your privates.

Misery Really Loves Company welcomes Kasia Rivera for attempting to make her fantasy a reality by injected silicon into her boyfriends, yeah, you guess it. OUCH! Now her boyfriend is dead and she gets to have an affair with Large Marge and the big salami she had sneaked in by Pete the corrupt corrections officer. Mission completed.

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Sleeping Air Traffic Controllers

It's funny when you're trying to watch a movie with your spouse, she/he are clearly sleeping but when you catch them they always say they are not sleeping and sometimes even try to explain what is actually happening in the movie, that's even more funny. It's funny when you are at work and you catch one of your fellow employee's falling asleep during a boring meeting. But it's a whole other thing when the people you depend on to make your airline travel as safe as possible continue to get caught taking naps or even watching movies.  This is unreal and unacceptable.  It's bad enough that air travelers have been asked to give, give and give some more when it comes to the pricing and experience of airline travel, but now we have to worry that the guy that is responsible for helping my plane not crash into another one is either sleeping or watching his favorite episode of 24 instead of keeping an eye and ear out in the sky's

Misery Really Loves Company welcomes all the exhausted air traffic controllers that have not heard of a wonderful product called 5 Hour Energy.  In this particular story a not so bright controller left his microphone on while he was watching a DVD on his laptop.  So while pilots are asking for instruction all they get is an earful of Samuel L. Jackson doing what he does best. Guy's, your killing me here.  I'm all for catching a nap on the job, God knows I have done it several times, but I was monitoring cell site towers not PLANES!  Get a grip fella's and stop playing around with our lives.

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Applebee's serves toddlers!

Forget the kid's meals at Applebee's. An Applebee's restaurant in Michigan might have uncovered something special.  Did you know small children could get wasted on margarita mix?  I didn't, but I might stock up on the stuff if it allows me some peace and quiet. As a father of a rumbustious three year old I have always joked about giving my son a little something in his sippy cup to keep him quiet, at least until dinner is over. Thanks to Applebee's I might have found the right stuff.

But in all seriousness, how the hell does this happen?  Hopefully this was really an oversight and not some jerk playing a joke.  I'll make sure to keep tabs on this one and if someone is found out they will be showcased here, because believe me they will be MISERABLE!

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Bad day. Bad haircut

Have you ever walked into a barber shop and left unhappy?  I have, several times, but this one takes the cake.  This poor bastard was in the middle of getting his hair cut when one of his enemies walked into the shop to confront him.  He got spooked, jumped out of chair, picked up a pair of scissors and stabbed his would be attacker in the back. He forgot one thing. He was mid haircut when this happened.

Misery Really Loves Company welcomes David Davis, who started his morning thinking about a new do and ended his day looking like Dr. J after a lawn mowing accident.

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Is that a hood ornament or my wife?

Have you ever tried to stop a loved one from driving under the influence by laying on top the hood of their car?  I'm happy to say I haven't been in that position, but if I was I know one thing, I wouldn't want to still be there when that person decided to take off anyway!  This poor woman was just trying to save her husbands life because he decided he wanted to go for a joy ride while on meth.  The one thing I know about meth heads, actually, I don't know a thing about meth heads, but I can imagine it might not be a good idea to stand in the way of someone that's hallucinating that you're a hungry zombie. This guy actually drove 40 miles at speeds topping 100 mph with his wife hanging onto his cars windshield wipers. That's crazy! Talk about needing a change of underwear.

Misery Really Loves Company welcomes Mrs. Christopher Carroll, who tried to do the right thing, but ended up knowing what a hood ornament feels like when its traveling 100 mph! Damn I wish I had video of this.

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Charlie Sheen's final performance

I normally don't like to write about celebrities on this blog, but I just can't help myself today.  For a while now we have been witnessing the unraveling of a star right in front of our eyes.  Charlie Sheen has had second chance after second chance for years now. It's funny that no one really cared that much until porn stars got involved, now everyone is fascinated by everything Charlie Sheen.  Porn gets a bad rap sometimes, but when it comes to accelerating a celebrities demise you can always count on these sex crazed women and cocaine!

Ok, lets get back on point. This poor guy had it all. He comes from a famous family. His father was one of my favorite presidents and his brother was great in The Breakfast Club.  Chuck has what all actors strive for, a syndicated show that is on more networks that I can count and producers that let him get away with murder because of good ratings.  But now the chickens have come home to roost. After numerous legendary parties where 8 balls were the size of bowling balls and porn fantasy's came true, (I'm not jealous), Charlie has finally flipped his lid. After going on a lunatic rant about how the Two & Half Men producers suck and that he doesn't need the show, they finally pulled the plug. "I'll go do movies with stars if I'm not wanted", said a delusional Sheen. I hate to break the news to you buddy, but the only film company that might consider working with you now is the one that brought you such hits like Breakfast on Tiffany & White Men Can't Hump.

Misery Really Loves Company welcomes John Cryer, who got royally screwed today by his buddy. I also have a open invite for Charlie Sheen. Once you sober up and realize that your career is over we will be here waiting. For now, have a great time with your ex-nanny and porn star duo you're hanging out with tonight. Well, there's not much more to say. Click on the link below to hear and read about the demise for yourself.

P.S.  An honorable mention to the "not so young and cute anymore" fat kid from the show. It was good while it lasted. Maybe Charlie did you all a favor since the show was heading towards the inevitable jumping of the shark.

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Home Depot Friday Night Fights

Have you ever gone to a Home Depot to return something? I have, and I have to tell you that you can return anything.  I've bought stuff, taken it out of the box, ruined the instructions because my son decided he rather use them instead of his Dora the Explorer coloring book, installed the item, hated it, put it back in a ruined box and they still took it back. However, lets face it, it sucks to return stuff. The customer service lines are always packed and for some reason the employees, who's job it is to work the return counters, always have an attitude.  They act as though it's their own personal merchandise you have the audacity of trying to return. But we grunt it and ignore all that so we an get our $3.50 back for the wrong tape we bought.  Never do you think your walking into a wrestling ring to do battle with a killer cashier who's having a bad day.

Misery Really Loves Company welcomes poor 66 year old John Galarza, who tried to return a roll of electrical wire and ran straight into the fist of Shakima "the killer" Hardy. Bloodied and missing a couple of teeth, John's last words before being taken out in a stretcher were, "Only in America can you lose the Mega Millions one night and inherit the Home Depot chain the next! Thanks Shakima, your fired!

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Dr. Feel "a little too" Good

Everyone has driven drunk once in their life. It is absolutely wrong, but it has happened. One thing I can tell you for sure is that I have never wanted a drink so bad that I would crash my car through a liquor store for one more drink before I end my night!

Misery Really Loves Company welcomes Dr. Joseph Grillo, yes a doctor, who must have experienced a mirage when he thought he saw a drive thru sign outside of a liquor store.  Joe? Really? There are easier ways to get a drink buddy. Get help will ya? To boot, WE HAVE VIDEO of your attempted last call.

WARNING: If your looking for a doctor in the Rhode Island area you might want to stay away from Dr. Joseph Grillo MD, especially if you like to drink. You may wake up from surgery with a straw poking out of your kidney!

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Valentines Day "Bah! Humbug!"

I thought that on this lovely Valentines Day I would break from the norm and post a nice story about love and romance.  Then I looked around my house, which looks like a tornado (my 3 year old Tasmanian Devil) had just ripped through my living room. I've been feeling under the weather since my wife left town and here comes Valentines Day. A day that I have always spent with my wife for the last 20 years and that streak ended today. I don't even have a Milky Way to munch on. "Standing at the drive-in, branded a fool, what will they say Monday at school." Anyway, I chose this story of fantasy, bad luck and satisfaction instead. 

Have you ever been so excited for a party, only to attend and get sick a couple of days later? You read in the paper that you aren't the only one that got sick after attending the party. Under normal circumstances it would not be that big of a deal, but when the party took place at the famous Playboy Mansion there may be some cause for concern. Grotto Cooties!!! Yuck!

Misery Really Loves Company temporarily welcomes those who woke up one day feeling like it was Christmas morning. You were gonna do something that not many people have done.  The gates of adult toy land were about to open up and you would soon be tip toeing through the naked gardens of the famous grotto. Like Aquaman, you make your way through countless magazine covers that have magically come to life. You swim by them, admiring them like beautiful coral. Your in heaven, the last thing on your mind is that you're floating in a hot soup of nasty bacteria. Not only was the 82 degree temperature in the grotto perfect for that "fantasy come true" encounter, it was also the perfect mating ground for some mutant germ creations. After completed your lap you found a spot between Miss October 98 and Miss April 07. You looked up, gave God a little wink and like a king you summoned your prize with your eyes. Just like in your fantasy there was no instant disappointment as they both swam to you in perfect sync. Only in this fantasy world would that ever work. In the real world you would get slapped, told off and possibly arrested.  

You went home satisfied and on top of the world, but after a day or two you start to feel the effects. Not only was there a copy of the latest Bruno Mars CD in your gift bag, there was also a nasty little Hefner bug that had decided to make you its new home.  Flu like symptoms, fever, respiratory problems and violent headaches, sounds like fun especially after the night of your life. I guess that nothing's for free brother. That being said,  I welcomed you to the blog on a temporary basis because this type of misery is very temporary. I know that once you start feeling better and that little but powerful Hefner bug has been put to bed, you will eventually feel that it was all worth it. Well, was it? I want full details!!  

Happy Valentines Day!

Click here for MSNBC story  

Junkie Nurse Casareto

Have you ever made the decision to have major surgery, finding comfort in the fact that at least you'll be knocked out when they rip you open? Surgery, no matter how small, is nerve racking. Not only are there the unknowns, but there's also a trust issue between everyone medically involved with the surgery.  Imagine that you find yourself on a surgical table, being prepped for your operation. Your hoping that they put you to sleep quickly so that you wouldn't have to deal with any part of it. The nurse tells you to start counting down. You gladly begin, knowing that in a matter of seconds you will be in La La Land. As you begin to feel the effects, the same nurse bends over and whispers "We can't give you more pain medication. Your gonna have to man up and take the pain!"

Misery Really Loves Company welcomes Patient X, who had to endure the pain of a complete kidney operation with only half of the required pain medicine.  The reason?  Because the anesthesiologist was a pain medicine junkie! Right before the surgery was to take place, she had used half the drugs that were meant for X. So not only are you suffering from the incredible pain, but your anesthesiologist is high. Talk about a bad trip. You get this weeks Ouch Award!

On top of everything going on, now we have to worry that our physicians are junkies??

Click here for the gory details

Don't pay attention to the moving box!

Have you ever gone to the post office to ship something only to find yourself confused by all the crazy shipping rules? Ever since 9/11, shipping rules have become so much stricter so I understand how mistakes can be made, especially since the rules keep changing and are never clearly explained.

Misery Really Loves Company is proud to welcome the luckiest and unluckiest poodle in the world. Lucky for a minute when she was adopted, then unlucky when the person who adopted her tried to ship her to Georgia via the United States Postal Service! That's right folks, tried to ship a puppy in a taped up box! Then was lucky again when the box she was in tumbled over on its own and she was discovered by a post office employee. When Stacey Champion, the ever so proud dog owner, was asked what made her think it was alright to ship a puppy this way, she replied "There was no sign telling me what I can or cannot ship". Really? This woman is 39 years old! Do you think she has signs in her house that read, SLEEP, EAT, SHIT, TAKE A BATH, ETC.....  What a joke.

Click here for story. Ruff, ruff, yeah, in the box stupid!

INDIANA HAS NO BALLS

Have you ever been made fun of because of your name? Even worse, have you ever lost out on something because your name was a little off the beaten path? Imagine you have been in public service for most of your life. You're a Mayor who won four terms and was beloved by the citizens that voted you into office. One of the highest honors one could be bestowed with is having a government building or structure named after you.  This honor was ripped away from this poor soul. Not because he ever did anything wrong or because he lost sight of what is was to lead a city, that would have been understandable.  No, the reason for this disrespect is because his name is......

Misery Really Loves Company welcomes Mayor Harry Baals (Balls) of Indiana.  Although you could easily be man groomed, your name just cannot.  I understand both parties here.  On one hand, it should not matter that your name is synonymous with what you should avoid if you are going to wear a speedo, and on the other hand, who wants to visit the Harry Baals Center? I wouldn't be able to visit this place without feeling a bit, let's say, itchy. Sorry there Harry, things would have been so different if your name was Chaven Tess Tickles.

Click her for MSNBC story
       

Armed and Dangerous Cock?

Have you ever attended an illegal cock fight only to be attacked by a knife wielding rooster? Of course not! Most people are sane and humane enough to stay away from this kind of stuff, but in California, one poor fellow was in the wrong place at the wrong time when a rooster, turned terminator, miscalculated his death blow and stabbed the poor guy in the leg causing his death! I guess things are getting a little mundane in the cock fighting business, so in order to spice it up a little, they attached a knife to the leg of this poor rooster. Roosters have always been kind of scary to me, now add the knife and it becomes a down right nightmare! Hey, at least this cock got the last prick before being exterminated by the same folks that armed him.

Misery Really Loves Company welcomes Jose Luis Ochoa (God rest his soul), who tried to side step danger but chose left instead of right.  The only question now is if St. Peter will be able to hold in his laughter long enough to open the pearly gates for poor old Jose. Cock-A-Doodle-Doo my friend. Cock-A-Doodle-Doo.

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Oh, say, did you see Christina Aguilera....

muck up the Star Spangled Banner at the start of Super Bowl XLV? That just has to be the worse thing that can happen to singer.  That being said, lets be honest here, Christina is FINISHED! She looks and sounds like she just doesn't care anymore.  All those out of tune vocal runs shook Mount Rushmore to its core.  It's bad enough she sounded like crap, but screwing up the lyrics in God's country is unacceptable. She's lucky someone didn't open the retractable roof at the stadium and let the rest of the snow and ice fall on her. Hey, at least it wasn't me!

Misery Really Loves company welcomes Ms. Christina Aguilera.  Out of shape, out of sync and out of time.  Really honey? Is that the best you can offer us?  Don't worry, you will always have a home here.

Just in case you missed the ugly performance click on video below. Whitney Houston of Super Bowl XXV in 1991 she ain't! UGLY!

    

Ice Bowl in Dallas

Have you ever purchased really expensive tickets for an event, only to find yourself in a hospital bed resolved to watching the show on a 13" TV, in traction, check this story out.

Misery Really Loves Company welcomes the poor souls that got hurt today when a ton of snow and ice came crashing down upon them unexpectedly from the roof of Dallas Cowboy stadium, the home of Super Bowl XLV.

I feel horrible for those people, I truly do, but at least it wasn't me. With my luck, after waiting for the Jets to make the Super Bowl after 40 somewhat years, I would have been the one standing there when the avalanche came barreling down upon me. They would have found me in the spring, wearing my vintage Curtis Martin jersey with my prized tickets firmly in my frost bitten hand. I knew there was a reason the NY Jets didn't make the Super Bowl!

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BYE BYE HONEY! I'LL MISS YOU! RIGHT.

Things aren't working with your marriage.  You try to work it out, but you just don't seem to be seeing eye to eye with your wife.  No worries, just buy her a first class ticket out of the country under the premise that absence makes the heart grow fonder. Drive her to the airport, give her a nice tight hug and whisper "I'll miss you honey" in her ear.  Go back to your office, log into your computer and without a thought add her to the no fly list. "What do you mean you can't come back sweetheart?" I make fun, but this really is happening! The unlucky lady in the story below spent three years stuck in Pakistan because of a cruel, cowardly husband with too much power.

Misery Really Loves Company welcomes the poor women around the world that just happen to be married to crazy immigration officers who rather ship their wives away, never to be seen again, rather than doing something completely out of the box like... wait for it... a divorce! Morons.

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Facebook Virtual Voodoo

I never thought I would see the day when even witches and warlocks would go virtual.  I have always been a believer in the occult.  As a young boy I witnessed some crazy shit that can only be explained away by some spiritual force out there.  It's kind of sad that not even such an old practice like a good old fashion curse can escape the clutches of Facebook.  Facebook IS really taking over of the world!

Misery Really Loves Company welcomes Gov. Sule Lamido from Nigeria, who woke up this morning, turned on his computer and was Pinned instead of Poked. Hopefully, for your sake, the curse didn't take cause it couldn't get through your firewall. If it did take, a couple of tweeted hail Mary's should work.

To all who practice the art of black magic, keep it real world will ya!  Nothing worse than a witch with a Twitter account who is looking for ruby slippers on E-bay.  Very lazy.

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Marriott says no to old porn

You're forced to leave home on business.  You arrive at your destination, "beautiful" King of Prussia PA! You spend your day in nauseating meetings and boring conference calls.  Your only break in the day will be spent getting an express lunch from Chili's which you're almost forced to purchase since the company has given you the standard $20.00 Per Diem and you will be damned if you don't use it. It's finally 5:00 PM, quitting time.

As you get into your car, you turn the engine and race back to your hotel. I have been dreaming all day about a nice hot shower, a big juicy bacon cheeseburger and fries via room service, a couple of beers courtesy of the stocked mini bar and maybe even some peanuts. You lay down on the perfectly made hotel king size bed and spot the remote.  As you go through the limited channels, you know exactly where this is leading you. There they are, the magical block of porn channels.  As you pass each title you attempt to read what the movie is about, but does it really matter?  You decide on a flick and take a deep breath as you press the buy button and realize that you are about to pay almost $13.00 for what will turn out to be a 10 minute movie.  Then the virtual cold shower happens. You read the notice in disbelief. "Marriot Hotels have discontinued this service. We apologize for any inconvenience."  The hotel offered free Wi-Fi, but since you have been a hard head all these years and have refused to buy a lap top you are forced to watch an old bowling tournament on ESPN 2 instead.

Misery Really Loves Company welcomes all those hard working and lonely old school business men who still believe in pad, pencil and calculator.  Invest in some new technology, because your little dirty hotel secret has been snatched right from under you. What is the world coming to. Next they'll remove the hand lotion. Poor bastards.

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JETS FAN RANT

When I first started this blog, I wanted to create a place where people can visit and read about others misery in hopes that it would make them feel better and maybe share some of their own misery.  For me, it has been a therapeutic way to combat my own misery. Scoping out stories of other peoples misfortunes and funny stories has made me feel better about my situation, just like I thought it would.  I've realized that I haven’t shared any details of my own issues, I think it apropos to do so now.

Let me start with a small issue first. I promise I will get deeper as the blog goes on.  I am a Jets fan! There, I said it. I have been a fan for over 30 years.  I probably don’t need to write anything else since I can feel your pity oozing through my WI-FI as I type on my Mac.  I went through the birth of the Sack Exchange in 1981, where I finally got a taste of the playoffs by making it to a Wild Card game against the Bills, only to be screwed in the end by our QB throwing an interception at the Bills 2 yard line with 10 seconds left on the clock!   I have gone through the Mud Bowl of 82, where I first learned to loath the Dolphins.  The Jets had advanced to the AFC Championship game, but because it’s the Jets, the Football Gods decided to have a pissing party the night before and create the messiest field you could ever image.  Turn over after turn over made for a horrible and pathetic 14-0 loss to the fish.  Then came the wonderful move to Jimmy Hoffa’s burial plot known as Giants Stadium in 1984.  We were so pathetic that we couldn't even have our own place!  Nothing like going to see a game in a stadium named after another team and painted in that team’s colors.  To remedy that, the wonderful Jet decision makers decided that every time we played at home they would put up green and white cardboard panels to make it feel more like home.  It looked more like a Pre-K classroom than anything else.  All that was missing was NY JETS written in crayon!

I have been through the Dennis Byrd injury, the Marino fake spike, the years of Rich Kotite, Bruce Coslet, Herm ("you play to win the game") Edwards, the Blair Thomas experiment, the birth of Tom Brady, the ruptured Achilles of Vinny Testeverde and so much more that there may not be enough space on this blog to completely fill you in on my misery.  I have attached a link to the History of Jets so you can understand a little more.  One warning, if you cried during Beaches you most likely will cry when you read this.

Click here for the History of the NY Jets

OK, now that I have set it up for you, this leads me to last nights AFC Championship game between the Jets and Steelers.  I know I should be happy with going to two consecutive AFC Championship games but it still doesn’t change the fact that my heart has been ripped open once again.  Why? Why does this story always end the same exact way? It’s like being trapped in a Ground Hogs Day scenario.  There we were putting our child to sleep early against his wishes so we can get ready to witness history.  Our beloved Jets were going to the Super Bowl for the first time since 1969, yes, 1969!  All the pieces were in place.  We had just had a terrific season. We had just beaten Peyton Manning and Tom Brady at their respected homes and we had beaten Pittsburgh already a couple of weeks ago at their stadium so our confidence was sky high.  We sat down to eat our real hamburgers, a treat since my wife insists on turkey everything. Seriously, I think I might have a turkey farm out back that I haven’t been told about. I love you honey for taking care of us! I opened an ice cold beer, my wife made a martini and BANG, we were down 24-0.  WTF! Really? WHY? Can’t we ever have a nice easy game where my heart doesn’t feel like it going to crawl out of my mouth, stand up on the coffee table and with an evil smirk and raspy voice say, “same old Jets Marty”!  Of course it couldn’t just be a blow out so we can stop watching early, switch over to our DVR and catch up on the latest episode of Intervention and smile at the fact that we weren't the ones leaning over a toilet and going through heroin withdrawals.  The Jets decide in the second half that they were finally gonna show up and make it a game.  Although we all know how it’s going to end, as Jets fans we have no choice but to stare at our TV’s and wait for the pending debacle to take place, and that’s exactly what happened last night.  Bad clock management, bad play calling, bad officiating and plain old bad play made the norm come true once again. We lost 24-19 and had to watch the hideous yellow and black confetti come raining down on a bunch of frozen Pittsburgh fans for the 10 millionth time in their history. (Think I’m a bit bitter?)

In closing let me say that I’m proud of my team and coach for another crazy season that ended in nothing but misery.  I will once again be pining for Jet news starting as early as this morning and will be ready for another exciting trip to the prom, only to be doused by a bucket of blood while I stand in front of my peers, smiling and excitedly waving after winning prom queen. (A scene from Carrie for all you non-reader and movie watchers) "They're all gonna laugh at you!, They're all gonna laugh at you! And believe they have and they will. Let’s go green and white! (pathetic)

      

Rock Lobster

Have you ever stolen anything and felt horrible about it?  No matter how horrible you felt I can guarantee that you weren't as sorry as this lunatic.  His desire for dining like rich folk made him kidnap a couple of samarai lobsters that quickly issued a get out of parenthood free card. This fool stuffed these lobsters down his pants and with a quick snip his manhood was finished.

I know that times are tough, but COME ON!!! Please join me in welcoming this poor soul to Misery Really Loves Company. Next time try stealing a salami instead.  The ladies will give you a second look, and other than possibly getting arrested, there is no danger of losing what ya mamma gave ya. Hot drawn butter anyone?

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GET YOUR HOT NUTS HERE!!

Have you ever loved someone so much that you would let them get away with almost anything only to be disappointed in the end?  I have, but sometimes there must be a line drawn in the sand.  I doubt that there is a man out there that would want to swap places with this poor slob.  I like Huevos Rancheros, but on a plate with Jalapenos and hot sauce, not in my pants.

Although I sympathize with a man who made it through such a horrible act, the guy wins the brainless award for sticking by the side of his pyromaniac girlfriend after she set his package on fire. "It was a big misunderstanding" is what the victim had to say.  Now that's a BIG understatement if I ever heard one.  Gas can? Check! Matches? Check! My man's junk? Double check!! Nothing misunderstood about that. but really, who can blame him for sticking with this girl, she is quite the looker.

Join me in wishing this fool a quick recovery. but until then Hot Nuts, welcome to the wonderful place known as Misery Really Loves Company..

Click here for MSNBC story

Turn around slowly Mr. Fudd

When I first read the headline for this article "Fox shoots man", I said to myself, wow!, Fox News finally went way, way over the line and shot someone! Then I realized that the headline was quite literal. It's miserable enough being a hunter.  I have never shot any animal, but I image you have to be a miserable SOB to shoot an innocent animal in cold blood.  But image my surprise, when in a dramatic turn of events the animal indeed put the shoe on the other foot and got medieval on a hunter's ass.  After being injured and about to be finished off by the butt of this sad hunters rifle, a fox with pretty large nuts, if I say so myself, contacted his inner ninja spirit and scuffled with the hunter.  During the scuffle, my main fox lunged for the hunters rifle and with his super paw fired a round which connected. High fives all around!!  Damn, I'm glad I'm not that hunter today. He better never go back to his hunters club where that same fox probably has membership now. Welcome to the Misery Dome my friend.

Click here for Yahoo story

   

JETS AT LAST!!!!

The Misery Monster was seen last night stomping around downtown Boston and chomping on crying Patriot fans.  As a Jets fan, I can understand and sympathize with the Pats fan :), considering that I have been in that same monsters mouth since I was born (1969, THE LAST TIME THE JETS WON A CHAMPIONSHIP). After all, they have only been able to:

* Witness a dynasty that has won 3 of 4 Super Bowls since 2001.
* Witness the growth of probably the best quarterback ever to play the game. BTW, a thank you would be nice, considering the Jets gave Brady life after knocking out Drew Bledsoe in 2001.
* Have had the pleasure of being coached by Dull Darth Vader after he screwed our franchise by quitting his job as the head coach of the Jets days after he was named coach.  The Football Gods have thrown nothing but flowers and candy at the Patriots and their fans for what seems to be a life time. Enough is enough!

I hate the Patriots, I hate Bill Belichick, I hate Robert Kraft, I hate Tom Brady and I hate Boston. My Cheshire Cat smile cannot be wiped off my face and may never go away after that 28-21 victory that put the Jets in the AFC Championship game for the second straight year and sent the Pats packing. Even if the Jets don't make it to the Super Bowl, I can bask in the sweet glow of knowing that Tom Brady will be home watching us for a change.  So Pat fans, make a big vat of New England clam chowder, put the TV on at 6:30 PM Sunday night and get comfortable, because it's finally time to change that silver, blue & red confetti to green and white.  Welcome to the Misery Dome guys. Enjoy your stay.

        

Skinny Ricky Gervais falls on his face

I don't know if it's just me, but have you noticed that more and more hosts of these award shows feel that in order to get a laugh they have to turn these self indulgent shows into roasts?  Hey, I'm not a big fan of the award show, but I think it crazy to invite a comedian to host your show only to get hit by poor taste shrapnel.  Correct me if I'm wrong, but hosting these shows are pretty good gigs, why would you want to screw it up for yourself, especially in a room full of people that can make or break your career. He threw stones at everybody last night including Hollywood's come back player of the year Robert Downey Jr. and America's Sweetheart Sandra Bullock  Good luck getting another job there Dicky.

When the last words you hear are "I remember when Ricky Gervais was a slightly chubby and kind comedian, neither of which he is now" coming from Hollywood royalty Tom Hanks, you know you have problems.

Although I love seeing celebrities squirm when comedians shine a light on their imperfections in front of their peers, I think there is a time and place for these attacks and these shows are not the setting, if you want to continue to work.  Ricky might not be miserable right now, but believe me he will be.  Below is the link to the story and some video clips of the mud slinging.  Enjoy!

Thank you Yahoo and Fox News

Ricky Gervais clips

Click here for story

 

Don't call me Honey, Honey!!!

There're some people in this world who are just way over the top and a bit creepy.

Honey is a lab that has been forced into wedlock with her owner, because the guy is probably a loser and realizes that the dog is his best shot at marriage.  Not getting to say "I do", no fancy dinner, no prenup option, poor Honey just has to take it like a bitch.  Don't get me wrong, I'm sure he's a good owner, but could he handle the wife that is Honey.  Good luck dude. This world is nuts!  I hereby congratulate Honey on her marriage and for being the first Miserable Pet of The Week.  I know you can't say it Honey, so I'll say it for you...

"NO WAY CREEPY VAN CREEPY, BESIDES I'M IN LOVE WITH THE CHOW CHOW NEXT DOOR!"

Click here for story

Hey, grandpa, pick up that soap will ya??

This poor bastard.  Guy knew Sinatra, went through the peace and love of the 70's, the hair of the eighties, the grunge of the 90's and the terrible 00-11.  He looked at Good Fellas, The Godfather and The Soprano's, as though they were home movies.  Now, when his biggest thrill is going to Denny's for their Early Bird Senior Buffet, they decided they finally have enough on him to put him on trial for his mob activity. Oh, and guess what? His own son did ratted on him :(.  I agree the old man needs to pay for his crimes, but cant they find another way, like maybe hiding his dentures or turning off his oxygen? The guy is fossil fuel at this point, do we really have to spend tax dollars on sending this bag of dust to prison.  The guy has a hard time filling a cannoli, I doubt he is a danger to anyone other than is hospice. All I can say is I'm glad I'm not him!

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Can I borrow your thong honey???

This is something you wish you would never have to hear coming from your husband.  The terrible Miserable Cloud engulfed another today as Kelsey Grammer's wife Camille decided to open up about her husband's dressing habits on The Howard Stern Show. Can't nothing be tucked away in the closet without someone trying to expose it with their ugly flashlight? So the guy wants to look like his grandmother, what's the harm?  Oh well, sorry Fraser, for now all I can say is at least it's not me! Damn this bra is tight.

Thank you Today Show "The Scoop" for the story

Click here for the story

WOW! You could only score 55 pts???

You think your favorite NBA team is bad? If you root for any other team than the Cavaliers, consider yourself lucky and somewhat sane today.  The putrid Cav's only managed to score a ridiculous 55 points against the LA Lakers last night.  Talk about misery! I think my grammar school scored 55 points one year. Go Cougars! Let's not even talk about the fact that they lost one of the greatest players in the league (LeBron James) and now he is even tweeting about how sorry they are.  Damn thats miserable!

Thank you ESPN for the story below.

Click here for story

MISERABLE GROUP OF THE WEEK, nominated by God.

The tragedy in Arizona has affected everyone I know.  It has even brought political parties together and made them realize that the rhetoric in this country must stop before we continue to lose more good people in this country.  I read an article yesterday that made me realize that there is actually people out there more miserable than the murderer that committed the heinous crime of gunning down six innocent people this weekend, including a 9 year old girl.  These people belong to the Westboro Baptist Church who plan to protest the funerals of these innocent people because of their warped way of thinking.  I therefore crown these people The Most Miserable group of the week! Special thanks to God for the nomination.

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